Unless you both mutually decide that a breakup is the right thing to do and you reach this conclusion at the same time, then any breakup is going to be difficult. You might first be plagued by doubts about whether you are doing the right thing. You then need to remain steadfast and go through with the breakup, even in the face of painful doubts.
Once you have informed your partner that you want to go your separate ways, there are plenty of things you can do to keep things amicable and graceful. Things might not go completely to plan, but if you follow these steps, you can rest assured you’ve done everything you can to keep things friendly and pleasant.
Be clear about what you want
Deciding that you no longer want to be in a relationship with someone is a big step. You need to be clear about what you want and why you are doing it. It’s not fair to raise the prospect of a breakup just to check if your partner really wants to keep things going.
Once you have decided to break up and share this with your partner, you cannot go back on your wishes, as this would be unfair. You need to remain steadfast and don’t allow their response to shape your decision. If you feel like a very strong emotional reaction from them would make you want to stay, then perhaps breaking up isn’t right and you need to work on your relationship?
Communicate your feelings clearly
Be clear about why you want to break up without being cruel. You need to give enough detail to answer their questions without leaving them with more bad feelings than they need to have. If you’re leaving the relationship because you have met someone else, it could help them in their grieving process to know this information, as it will help them to let go and not hold on to the idea of reconciling.
Always do it in person
It goes without saying that every breakup should be done in person. While it might be uncomfortable for you to have to deal with their emotional reaction, it’s not fair to leave them to handle this on their own.
Give the person time to process
If you live together, you need to be the one to leave and give the other person time to process what is happening. If the other person turns to anger in the wake of your departure, there is a chance they could direct this to your possessions, so you might want to arrange to move out fully.
Be gracious when sharing details with friends
Even if you go through something like Splitting Up with your partner, you can expect friends and family will want to know more details. One of the most gracious things you can do in a breakup is to keep details to a minimum. This will protect your ex partner’s feelings and ensure that there is no gossip around the breakup.
Consider no contact
No contact is simply an agreement to not be in touch for a specific period of time. It could be a week, or it could be a few months. When there is no expectation of contact, both parties can focus on themselves and not spend their time waiting to hear from the other person.
During this time, you might feel intense feelings of regret and you might be tempted to reach out and let the person know that you miss them. Try to keep in mind that this is for your benefit, not theirs. The kinder thing to do would be to leave them to heal and then get back in touch to find out if they want to maintain a friendship in the future.
