If you are going through a divorce and you have a small child at home, it can feel an especially difficult and emotional time. You will understandably have concerns about whether or not you will get full custody of your child, where you will live and how you will manage financially. Top of your list will also be how your child will respond to the divorce. In this article, we look at the potential impacts and offer some guidance on how you can support your child.
How a divorce may impact your child
While an infant will not understand the complexities of a divorce, they can pick up on tensions and conflicts at home. For infants, this may manifest in out-of-character behaviours such as becoming more easily upset, withdrawn or angry, or, becoming fearful about being separated from one or both of their parents. Older toddlers and preschoolers could also exhibit these behaviours and may also experience more bedwetting, regression, nightmares or other sleep disturbances, or they may complain of feeling poorly more often.
What you can do to help your young child through a divorce
It is naturally upsetting for parents to see their young children experience the effects of a divorce, but there are some constructive steps you can take.
- Reassurance to infants
If your child is under the age of 18 months, one of the most important things you can do is to offer them as much comfort and security as you can. This means plenty of reassuring contact like hugs and cuddles and assurance that while their other parent may not be there right now, they will be seeing them again and they still love them and always will.
- Understanding toddlers
If your child is close to the age of three, they may be able to use words to express their emotions. However, the concept of time, for example, is something they are yet to learn. For instance, they will not know the idea of ‘next week’. This is helpful for parents to know as they can describe the sense of time in a way their child is more likely to comprehend. For example, ‘you will go to bed tonight, get up in the morning’ brush your teeth and then mummy will be here to pick you up’.
- Expressing feelings through play
For young children who have few words and ways to express their feelings, play activities such as drawing, crafting, and painting can be helpful outlets. By allowing your child to play freely, their feelings can be more easily conveyed, and through their creations you may gain a stronger sense of how they are feeling. Reading books together is also a good opportunity to discuss relevant storylines, characters and explore how your child feels about them.
- Communicate well and be consistent
Consistency is very important for a young child, helping them feel safe and secure. During a divorce, routines will have changed, so it’s important to keep as many other regular activities like mealtimes and bedtimes as consistent as possible. Although it can often be challenging during a divorce, try to discuss these routines and reach agreements with your ex as amicably as possible, and work towards maintaining continued positive communication.
Conclusion
Despite the challenges of divorce, it can often be the best option for the health, security and happiness of your child and the rest of the family. Understanding how your child may respond to your divorce and adopting the right approaches will be key to supporting them as effectively as you can.
